We recently updated our home study and are renewing our I-171h (VISA preapproval) next week. Then, we will continue to wait for the call announcing our referral. Not being able to estimate when that may be is difficult. We thought, by this time, we'd be off to Ethiopia to meet our kiddos.
This wait feels a lot like the time before we had Maddie and Ben. After two miscarriages at 12 and 16 weeks, we found ourselves in a helplessness of an unknown future. We longed to be parents and were waiting on God's timing.
It was a pivotal point in my life story. I was a type-A girl who set lofty goals and achieved them despite the odds. Going the extra mile with hard work and planning made me feel in control of my life. But then I found myself helpless and heartbroken in a situation I had no control over.
I know now that going to that low brought me to the place where I could only look upward. From that point, I clearly saw my need for God and His love for me. That wait shed a bright light on who I was and who I was intended to be. After weeks of wrestling over how to respond, I found myself on my kitchen floor in a pool of my own tears. That night, I cried out in sorrow and heartache, spilling out the deepest fears of my heart.
Hearing yourself speak those things takes you to a vulnerable and scary place where you can only listen in the silence that follows. Thankfully, within that silence, truth rushed in. I was flooded with an almost auditory reminder that He would never leave me and never has. It was painfully clear that I had placed myself in the driver's seat of my life and simply brought God along. I had placed expectations on myself that only God could fulfill. It was a burden I could carry no longer.
In the midst of our tragedy, I conceded to give God His rightful place in my life. "Be still and know, I AM God." These words carried me through the next years as I lived my life with new perspective. I now understand that He could have given me the desire of my heart much earlier, but He allowed me to wait so I could see His glory and know His provision.
Over a decade later, we now find ourselves in the midst of another wait. Another desert. However, this time, we've begun waiting while acknowledging that He is in control and has a plan for us. Just as He once provided manna in the desert, He now provides for us during this time. We're waiting on Him and relying on Him to provide our family's physical, financial, and spiritual needs. He's working within us and stretching us in ways we could never imagined. He's teaching us daily and opening our eyes to the world around us through a whole new lens. As He carries us through our wait, I 'm thankful for the opportunities to see Him moving and share hope with others.
While we wait to meet our Ethiopian children, we continue to pray for them. It's amazing how you can love and pray for two little people you haven't even met yet! Will you join us in praying that God will place someone in their lives who will tell them how much they are loved by Him and assure them that He has a family waiting for them? We're very thankful for your prayers for their protection and physical health. We're also thankful for your prayers for us. Please pray for our renewed strength to wait obediently and for the wisdom to maintain priorities and focus.
Until we know more, we trust that no eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for us.
In Christ Alone,